If there is any statement made by the apostle Paul in the New Testament that I would take issue with, it is found in his first letter to Timothy. He states first of all this truth: “This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” To this statement, all I can say is a resounding “Amen!”, but then Paul goes on to finish his statement by saying: “…of whom I am chief.” I have to be honest here and say that on more occasions than I dare openly admit, I would strongly challenge the apostle Paul for that title. This isn’t simply a flippant statement, but one I genuinely associate with, and that even after I have considered myself a believer for so many years now.

After listening to an excellent sermon at church on Sunday based upon Ephesians 1:12, we were exhorted to consider the subject of the assurance of our salvation. What was rightly pointed out in that message is that, even though the subject of the assurance of salvation plagues many Christians, it is helpful to identify where the real source of that concern lies. In short, most believers do not have a problem accepting that God is able to bring to eternal salvation a people for Himself, just as His Word has promised, even if they do not understand precisely how He will achieve it. And in a similar way, no matter how many arguments erupt within Christiandom concerning how God brings Christians to faith; most accept that even though it may be beyond our futile minds, He somehow manages to bring even the vilest sinner He has chosen to a sincere belief in His Son, Jesus Christ, without any meritorious help from the person being saved. The source of our anxiety then is not really that we question the ability of Christ to save sinners, but right now in this present day, often in our darkest, blackest hours of sin and doubt, how can we know that we are amongst those who will receive full salvation on the Final Day?

To those who would seek to cry “antinomian!” at what I write here, I am only too aware that all Christians are called into a life of keeping the commands of God for the glory of His Son, and is actually a sign of our love for Him (John 14:15). We are called to carry our cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). Even in the New Testament writings, we are constantly exhorted to live a holy and blameless life before God and men, all for the glory of Christ alone. But which one of us actually achieve this standard on a consistent basis? And how much consistency in our service to Him must be lost before we should begin to ask the obvious question: “Am I really saved?” If I am painfully honest with myself and whoever reads this, based on my day to day thoughts, words and deeds (most only known to God and myself), I have zero reason to believe I am truly saved. So often, even though I may try to be a faithful servant, a stumble can lead to a fall headlong into old sinful ways. Sometimes to the point where I find it difficult to see the contrast between the new man I’m supposed to be (2 Cor 5:17), and the old one that is supposed to be dead and buried through baptism (Rom 6:6). So once again, where do I find my assurance of salvation that is not simply me burying my head in the sand?

Before I attempt an answer to this question, I would like to point out that I am not alone in this struggle. Apart from the many Christians who would openly admit their true condition also, and apart from the countless who fearfully hide their sinful deeds because of what that may imply concerning the sincerity of their justification, I have only to point to the one who penned the letter to the Roman church I mentioned previously. The same Paul who wrote that we are to consider the old man crucified with Christ in Rom 6:6, goes on to write this of himself in the following chapter:

¹⁵ For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.
¹⁶ If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good.
¹⁷ But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
¹⁸ For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.
¹⁹ For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
²⁰ Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
²¹ I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.
²² For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.
²³ But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
²⁴ O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
²⁵ I thank God–through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:15-25 (NKJV) 

There are some who wrongly claim this is the apostle Paul talking of himself in the past tense, but this was him speaking very much about his present state as not only a Christian believer, but an apostle of God to the church. What we can come to understand when we accept that this text really is speaking about Paul’s present Christian struggle internally (and so ours also), is that this struggle in itself becomes one of the greatest indicators that our faith in Christ is actually sincere. After all, there is no such struggle in the unbeliever according to Scripture, rather they are described as dead in sin:

¹ And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins,
² in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience,
³ among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. Ephesians 2:1-3 (NKJV)

If you are someone who is struggling not to doubt the genuineness of your salvation today, I ask you the question that needs to be asked above all else: “What say you of Christ?” Do you believe that He truly is God made flesh? Do you believe that He came to earth to live a sinless life, and then give Himself over to death on a cross as an atonement for sin? Do you believe that He rose from the dead on the third day, just as He said He would? Do you believe what the Scriptures say about you as a sinner, and Him as the only Saviour? Because regardless of what you may think of yourself, it is what you think of Him that matters above all else.

In the darkest hours of Jesus ministry many of those who had followed along deserted Him because of unbelief, leaving only a handful of worn and weary disciples with no other option open to them than to cling to Him. If this describes you today, hear the same words of comfort from Christ, and maintain the same attitude as they when asked if they want to leave Him too:

⁶⁰ Therefore many of His disciples, when they heard this, said, “This is a hard saying; who can understand it?”
⁶¹ When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples complained about this, He said to them, “Does this offend you?
⁶² What then if you should see the Son of Man ascend where He was before?
⁶³ It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.
⁶⁴ But there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him.
⁶⁵ And He said, “Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.”
⁶⁶ From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.
⁶⁷ Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”
⁶⁸ But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
⁶⁹ Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
John 6:60-69 (NKJV) 

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