Ever felt yourself falling into an abyss spiritually? Where you realise for the first time that you cannot make yourself holy, that you cannot create a reality with God, that you cannot bring any revelation from Him and that your chances of hitting the bottom are pretty certain, unless He intervenes in a miraculous way? It has to begin and end in God.
It is both a frightening and exhilarating place to be. It is a time when you realise that you need to take your hands off your life, and allow God to steer it; to be a leaf blown about at whim by the wind of the Holy Spirit; where you cease from focussing on yourself and seeing God simply as a supply of blessing only, and allow Him to rearrange your focus onto Himself and all it encompasses, regardless of the cost to you.
I fell head first into this abyss back in October 2005. I thought I was going to be lost forever as my so-called ‘spiritual life’ of 27 years was in tatters, broken, neglected and dying as there was no true reality of God in it. I had failed so often and had no understanding of what it was to be His child and how He works with us. I was so frustrated as I had no-one to ask what to do, as I knew no-one who had this one thing that I so craved. And so I did what I should have done right at the beginning and pleaded with God to show me that He was real and that if He was not, then I would rather be dead, because all I had lived through had now been for nothing anyway.
He was waiting to catch me at the bottom of the abyss…Praise His Holy Name!
O could I tell, ye surely would believe it!
O could I only say what I have seen!
How should I tell or how can ye receive it,
How, till He bringeth you where I have been?
Oswald Chambers
Completely
Down
Down
Down
I go all the way into the abyss. Emptied completely.
Til no resistance is left
Til no hands are holding on
Til no heart can feel anything, discern anything
but Your presence.
Just that.
Only that
and that’s enough.
More than enough.
Lord,
My Lord.
All else is futile
Empty
Lost
Depraved
Numb
Dead.
But now I feel Your fountain washing over me.
Drenching. Cleansing. Refreshing. Reviving.
I feel Your Life growing inside of me. Surrounding me. Leading me.
Awakening every pore of my being one at a time.
I feel alive for the first time – truly, willingly yielding.
Stepping aside and learning to hand over bit-by-bit.
Learning to trust, simply
Moment by moment.
August 2006
Originally posted 2009-03-02 17:27:28. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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Hey Jessie,
While I’m reading this post, I’m listening to a beautiful song by a lady named Abigail Miller that seems so in tune with this post. It could almost be the soundtrack!
It’s called “Have you died?” and I’ll post it right now.
I feel like I’m coming out of the abyss! Thank you for this!